Sleep little darlings!


sleep

 

Happy Daylight Savings Time.

That’s right, it the time of the year that all parents hate!  Spring or Fall it doesn’t matter, because hour more/less of sleep means NOTHING to us parents!

NOTHING!

I worked hard to get a bedtime routine down with my kids. Truly, a routine helps so much.

If you are having a hard time with your bedtime routine, might I make a suggestion

  • Warm bath with all natural organic lavender bubble bath (costs more than my wedding bouquet, but worth it!)
  • Naked 5k for your angel while you chase the streaker around the house, up and down stairs, to make sure you get your full workout in
  • Wrestling match to put on pajamas (this may take 2 or more adults, consider it strength training)
  • Find the most boring, idiotic book on your child’s shelf (Goodnight Moon) and read on repeat 217 times. Do NOT skip pages, only parents who want their child to drop out of high school, skip pages.
  • Dim the lights and Sing a lullaby and rock your child (Yes, even if they are “too big”!  There is no such thing. This builds a sense of safety and dependence on you for eternity.)
  • Gently move your child to his/her bed.  Lay down next to them until their breathing is slow and steady.  Do NOT move even if your arm is asleep.  Parenting is about sacrificing. That sliver of bed you are lying on is generous, feel free to lay on floor and reach up and pat your child’s back if you are too comfortable.
  • Make sure your child has a fan for white noise, classical baby lullabies and a night light.  A humidifier is optional (depends on your weather).
  • Sneak carefully and quietly out of your child’s room. Repeat as necessary. If you have multiple children, you must do all of these things multiple times.  It’s about QUALITY time!  Do NOT play favorites, your children will know and may plot to kill you (slowly by whining and pestering each other).
  • Wake up at 2 am with child staring at you inches from your face. Do NOT scream, you will cause irreparable damage to your child’s pysche and increase the therapy bills even more.
  • Let child into your bed “for a minute”.
  • Wake up hours later with a foot in your kidney and hand splayed across your neck.  Get comfortable.  Remember your angel is worth the sacrifices you must make. (If you wake up because you suddenly feel a warm puddle, help your child with his accident and blame yourself – it IS your fault.)

 

**This is sarcasm** (Please have a sense of humor!)

coffee-cheeers

If you don’t know, I do truly help with SLEEP issues a LOT. From babies on up.  Almost 75% of the behavior problems I see on a daily basis have some sort of sleep component.  If you want some real tips, contact me!

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